McDelivery

It was getting late. That night was going to be another of those nights of loneliness, online porn and masturbation. Everything was pointing in that direction. It felt like that. Failure, he thought. Failure…

It had been a really tiring day at the office. As always, after a day like that he didn’t have the chance to go home and chill out at his favorite coach while watching TV like the majority of the people. He just had that expensive hotel room paid by the company, which was very far from being home. That was consultancy all about… He was paid for designing cost-cutting plans for other companies, what meant that he was paid for firing people that he didn’t even now.

The job was attractive for most of the youngsters: the pay was good (hell it was very good…), it implied travelling abroad almost weekly, all expenses on the company, meeting new people daily, going to expensive hotels, flying business class… However, the fact of being a man in his late 30s, spending his life on planes, airports, hotel rooms, and not being able to set roots anywhere, was driving him crazy…

That is why he had to drink the shit away from him.

**************

It was the last shift of the week for her. She really hated that call center job, just taking orders and orders for eight hours a day… but oh well, what could she do? At least she had a job. The pay was shit, the shift was shit, but she didn’t have to starve and didn’t depend on anybody. If there was something that she couldn’t stand was dependency.

3am… just 3 more hours were separating her from her day off. But thinking about it gave her a bittersweet feeling. On the one hand was happy because she didn’t have to attend hundreds of phone calls repeating the same conversation for 8 hours. But on the other hand she feared the weekend… since she got that job, her social life was reduced to repetitive silly chats with her colleagues in front of the coffee machine at the office and the fights with the landlord to get some extra days before the monthly rental payment. Working at night time, sleeping during day time… It was impossible to keep any friends or relationships outside the call center circles.

She was really missing to have some long and good talks… and gosh, she needed to get laid so bad… but with a real man. Last time it was with that weirdo she met in Yahoo Messenger who finished in 2 minutes and fell asleep in the next 2. And that was more than 5 months ago…

Beep… beep… beep… and the freaking red light. Another incoming call or the train back to reality… She had to go back to work.

**************

He finished the remaining red wine and violently, threw the empty glass to the wall of that expensive hotel room. Then he laughed seeing the glass breaking into pieces while the music of Cynthia Witthoff worked in the background as a perfect macabre soundtrack.

He started to think and think. And to worry. He needed to do something or else he would end up masturbating in front of his laptop and taking 3 benzodiazepines with a glass of whisky to fall on Morpheus arms in a matter of minutes… So finally, with determination, or maybe inspiration, or maybe just because he was drunk, he grabbed the cell phone, lay down on the sofa and dialed 8…6…2…3…6…:

Beep… beep… beep…

- Thank you for calling McDelivery, this is Matt, how can I help you?
- Matt? Are you a guy?
- Ehh…. Yes sir, I am.
- Hey buddy, I wanna speak with a girl…
- Sorry sir, the system automatically assigns the calls, we cannot put you with a lady now sir. I will be the one to take your order.
- Are you suggesting that I’m gay??!!
- Ehh… no sir, I’m just saying that…
- Go and fuck Elton John!

He hung up. Then he dialed again 8..6..2..3..6:

- Thank you for calling McDelivery this is Anthony, how can I help you?
- What the hell is wrong with the world today??!!
- Sir?...

Hung up. 8..6..2..3..6…… this time she got the call:

- Thank you for calling McDelivery, this is Sheena, how can I help you?
- Oh thanks God! (she had a nice voice…)
- Hello?... Good evening sir, how can I help you?
- Good evening Sheena. How are you?
- Excuse me sir…?
- Do you speak English Sheena?
- Yes sir, I do. But…
- So, how are you?
- I am fine sir… Please could you give me your name so that I can address you and get your order?
- I like your voice, so you can call me honey. Are you really fine Sheena? You sound like if you weren’t…
- Yes I am fine Mr… Honey… so what is your order? Please let me suggest our special sale, the value meal number 4 consisting of a double cheeseburguer deluxe, 4 nuggets and…
- Sheena baby, I am hungry but I already had dinner… do you know what I mean?
- Excuse me Mr…. Honey, do you want to order any food? This is not a hot line…
- OK baby OK, don’t get angry… I’d like that value meal you said before…
- OK that is value meal number 4. What is your drink Sir?
- Can I drink directly from your pussy Sheena?
- Excuse me? Are you drunk sir? I’m going to hang up… this is too much already…
- Hahaha I was just joking dear, I will order your favorite drink. What do you like Sheena?
- Sir…
- I’m serious, just tell me what you like.
- Is it OK to have regular Coke Mr. Honey?
- Regular Coke is perfect.
- Anything else sir?
- Yes, I want you for dessert…
- (Smiling) I’m sorry but I’m afraid that is not possible Mr. Honey.
- Is your phone number available then?
- (Smiling even more) Not available either sir…
- It’s really a pity because I was planning on eating your pussy for dessert until you cum in my mouth… and then also to…
- (Closing her legs tightly) Sir please, stop that… I will repeat your order: value meal number 4 and regular coke for drink. Is that alright sir?
- You forgot to ask me what do I want for dessert Sheena…
- Sir, I already told you that I’m not going to tolerate more indecent proposals…
- No no, I just wanted a fried apple pie… what are you talking about? You have such a naughty mind…
- (Holding her laugh) OK sir, an apple pie too.
- It will be 213pesos. Please can you facilitate me your address?
- Sure I can… I hope you are the one delivering it as well… Excelsior hotel at Eastwood City, room number 1604.
- Contact number Mr. Honey?
- 0908*****21
- OK, your order will be delivered in 20 to 30 minutes Mr. Honey.
- I love you Sheena…
- Hahaha…Have a good night Sir.
- Oh you laughed! (but she had already hung up) Sheena??! Sheena?!...

Bee-bee-bee-beeeep… bee-bee-bee-beeeep…

**************

“Such a weirdo” she thought… But there was something in his voice that was telling her that he wasn’t crazy. Maybe it was his confidence or maybe his deep masculine pitch. At some point she realized that she had even gotten a bit turned on. She knew it was against the rules of the company, but she decided to keep his phone number.

**************

After she hung up on him, he took 4 tablets of Xanax, a powerful anti-depressive and sedative medicine, and swallowed them lubricating his throat with one of the little bottles of whisky from the mini bar, doubling its effect this way. He opened his favorite porn site and after downloading a few videos, started to masturbate without any mercy.

Twenty minutes later the delivery boy was waiting at the front door of his hotel room with the value meal number 4 and a fried apple pie. The guy rang the buzzer trice, but he was way too deep in the embrace of Morpheus to notice it.

The picture was grotesque… He had fallen asleep in the sofa with his cock still hard and the porn videos playing repeatedly since the settings of his media player were still configured for music playlists.

**************

At 6am she clocked out and went home taking the always crowded bus. While securing herself holding onto one of the bus poles with her left hand, and watching out the pervert-look-a-like guy behind her, she used her right hand to text him:

hi mr. honey~
this is sheena…
gud am!

She arrived home an hour later, but her cell phone inbox was still empty. She re-sent the text again, just in case… the network was not always trustable. Waited for half an hour, but still no news from him.

Finally she fell asleep in the sofa while watching a cooking TV show. She had 2 nightmares that morning.

**************

He woke up after 27 hours of a self induced coma. The hangover was killing him, and the disgusting sound of the porn movie that was still being played was just worsening his headache. This time he had crossed the line… he had mixed alcohol with sedatives before, but never got to the point of eating 4 tablets. He promised himself that it was going to be the last time, as he promised himself just a week ago that he was going to stop drinking…

He checked his Blackberry and saw 2 new text messages from an unknown number and a few emails from work. He opened the first sms:

hi mr. honey~
this is sheena…
gud am!

Sheena? Who was that? Maybe it was one of the prostitutes he was drinking with 3 nights ago… He had the bad habit of giving his number away like priests give blessings, especially when he was drunk.

The second sms had exactly the same content. He hated when people double sent messages. So after deleting them, he took a long shower and dressed up getting ready to go to work.

That morning when he arrived to the office of the outsourcing company that he had been working with for the past week, he presented the cost-cutting plan and facilitated the list of procedures that had to be changed and his recommendations for the staff reduction.

In the afternoon, he took a plane back home. When the stewardess was serving lunch, he remembered… “Sheena! Damn it… the girl from McDelivery”. He really regretted deleting her number. But it was too late.

**************

Her real name was not Sheena, it was just a nickname. Her real name was actually being called by the Human Resources manager in that very moment.

It had been only a week since she got that awkward, disturbing but at the same time exciting phone call, however, she had already forgotten about him. Maybe that was the reason why she couldn’t relate the words “economic crisis”, “cost-cutting”, “staff number reduction” and “low productivity” with him, after hearing them from the dirty mouth of that HRM jerk.

Maybe that was also the reason why she could not relate her dismissal with him.

**************

Days and months would pass by, and eventually, she would find another job. Perhaps one with a better pay and a better shift.

Days and months would go by, and eventually, he would be named the best consultant of the year by the company, invited to be an associate, and get a 7-figure end-of-the-year bonus.

Maybe.

The only certain fact was that the unstoppable city, would keep on wolfing down every single soul who was not ready to fight for survival.

She knew that. And so did him.